I Suppose

I suppose I had hoped for a bit more closure,

an in person good bye

Instead I got the same end of the same sort of college boy sly

I guess it’s over, I have to give it a rest

After three and half years,

I had hope for more than an “I’m not good enough” text

I am betting I’ll never quite heal that part,

the ripping away

I thought maybe you’d try to ask me to stay

I should have known that you’d be a ghost

Not trying to save us, that hurts the most

Perhaps I should stop thinking,

drop it for real

I realize now like then,

you truly don’t care how I feel

I can literally feel my heart breaking,

cracking more with each day

Screaming loudly inside for peace,

I pray.

Halt, Past.

Preserved in the past,

the present will pass and become passed,

passing through portals,

a passage pursued by mortals,

trying to immortalize the atrocities committed as merely cordial.

Dialing in the correct order,

measuring the mortar,

aligning boundaries and building up borders.

No strong enough a soldier

can break through what has been soldered and smoldered

under the burning embers of coal.

The soul

tries to rise from the ashes of shame,

from the shadows cast in blame,

a game of then and now with no sight of the future,

aside from the sutures.

In spite of the putrid

oozing of endless boozing in a punch drunk love.

Above

it all, yet looking down,

a broken smile

known as a frown

is the gown plastered on the face of disgrace.

Placed firm in a foundation of cracked cementing statues,

lamenting in laminated hope brochures,

which lock in the last known attempt to procure

a treasured polished piece.

It’s niche,

and not quite as ripe as a peach.

Peel off the veneer,

all unleashed,

the superglued splinters fall at the feet.

It had always been incomplete

but entered into the show to compete.

Completely tarnished,

streaks of varnish

drip stains on the remains

of what the future could not halter,

the alter.

The sun is shining.

The sun is shining, the sky is blue, I’m still not over you. Spring flowers are bright and now poking through, I’m still not over you. Trying to fly a month with a birds eye view, I’m still not over you.

The weather is warming and the wind’s a nice breeze, but now you’re over me. The fresh air whips and fans the trees, but now you’re over me. The mountain’s paths are wild and free, for now, you’re over me.

Supple, round and full of wonder, gaze turned to another lover. Questing into your dreamy plunder, a pillage into another lover. Sounds of my silent screams from the ground’s under, you, under another lover.

Filling up from the rays beaming, but my dm’s are an empty feeling. Yours have been thick from many a day preceding, my dm’s still an empty dealing. Attention and affection around me all weaning, yours fill up and my dm’s are an empty fearing.

All the joys of future plans, I can not even barely understand. Ripped away from my present’s hands, next, I can’t really understand. Us in the past you, my man, now, just me, I don’t understand.

The sun is shining, the sky is blue, I’m still not over you. Everyday, I still am not sure what to do, aside from not being over you. I guess I’ll take look at your view, maybe you seeing her, will help me to get over you.

or was it hate?

standing on the precipice of force and fate, i find myself diving into the open mouth of hells heavenly gate, where the facade is so strong that the view seems real. where the movement is so agile that the resistence proves futile. so i stand at the alter and allow it to engulf me. i stand across from the persecution and let love defend me. or was is hate?

letting my mind take the lead has lead me astray, brought me to places where my inner me would not frequent or stay, grabbed my heart and chained it to choice. slammed clamps on the arteries that should vibrate with its own voice. so i pumped messages of hope that should have been mine. i wrote remarks of how love  is to be defined. or was it hate?

day after day of its own morphing formation, the bond grew stronger with less hestitation, closing the gaps of doubt came claim to what was now life. assuming the role of the most submissive of wives. not reading the words of what my soul had writ, hanging on to the feeling of this must be love’s it. or was it hate?

 

Beat. Seat. Obsolete.

i only wanted you. i only wanted us. i never said goodbye but you said im too much , youre not enough. how do i compete, you made it complete. i am in defeat. i couldnt see the seat. i was trying to heal from the feats of all the beats of the poundings on my soul, voice, heart, and body. i embodied the wounds that swallowed every step of my feet. i could try to be discreet yet the sheet of melancholy music collects the rhythm i weep. man just sweep me away to a time that was sweet and indiscriminately obsolete of the events that now separate you from me. never was my choice you see, but i guess now i am free. should i thank you baby? you must not have wanted me, you never asked me back after you told me to leave, leaving me to contemplate all the different fates that had a serving of all chipped plates. i still would have set the date, and laid out new china, finer than anything we had ever dined on. but i am just whining on, its my song and i can see that all along i am strong, i just wanted us to be forever long, is that wrong?

Women Rise

Women rise,

it’s time to realize

there is no more time to improvise,

No more time to censor what we choose to televise,

No need to hide behind their lies

Or what fools imperialize,

As an object to monopolize.

It’s concise to the size

And all the egos oblige

To radicalize

The rest as less, yet refuse to sympathize

While watching as the yearning soul dies.

…..

Fuck that, please regard, we are Phoenix,

WE SHALL RISE

For now is the time to actualize

The research and the representation of empowerment that we, women, epitomize

No longer allow yourselves to be minimized

Begin birthing strength as we naturalize and normalize

Intelligence in areas meant to divise

We no longer need comply with patriarchal or bigoted ties

Stop standing on their shit pile claiming Queen of the Flies

Fly

Through your timelines to the beginnings ancestral elements to idolize

Dig into the roots of your buried third eyes

Conceptualize the message for the young sister youth to idealize

A foundation, a place, a soul, to stabilize

Watching generations of a tear stained cheek as it dries.

WOMAN, YOU RISE

Time to stake claim in their righteousness of Equality Enterprise

BMD . a story about how the body remembers even when the brain doesn’t

Through my grasp it slips, the grip’s loosening over the gap of gasps as it becomes a familiar feeling, the reeling in of what’s real, what’s really happening, the fastening of the winds whipping the sounds of silence violently through my soul, now on the cusp of cold, screaming silently into a sound chamber where only I remember your name forever and when to honor… except for, I dismayed, could say nothing, except for the engrained tear exchange for the DNA’s reframe of the refrain through my brains terrain of dry docks and torrential rain.

Let me look into me

I can’t feel it. I’ve looked perhaps in the wrong places. How can I believe. It’s always changing faces.

Facing my fear. My face is the reflection. Reflecting a yearning of a unified connection.

Connecting the dots dotted by the trail of teardrops dripping down to the path compacted by my travel.

The road is of gravel. Always shifting underneath my step. It’s a wonder I’m here based on the ever changing quest.

I keep questioning. Redefining. Reminding. Minding my mindfulness and losing my cheer.

Chin up. Closer. The clearing is nearer.

The irony is it’s been present all the time. The love that shows up over and over is mine.

From me. Let me be clearer. I’ve been denying the dying for myself. I’ve been shattering my mirror.

The endlessness must come from in here. In my soul and out to top tier.

Can you hear? Can you see the connectivity is me to myself and myself to me?

The only love that is greater than this is still out of reach. Love me maybe.

But it is me I want love to see. Ultimately and passionately, for me, does your soul scream..

unseen be revealed.

Heart be healed.

Let me look into me, let me love me, let me feel love, let love be.

Can you look in the mirror?

Can you look in the mirror honestly? Does it tell you the truth of who you are? Does it show you in bold all the little secrets you hold?

Can you look in the mirror with pleasure? Are you able to observe the crease of time on your brow? Do you see the lines you’ve said displayed on your head?

Can you look in the mirror with trust? Has your reflection morphed too? Do your eyes look at you with pride or is it behind the lids you still hide?

Can you look in the mirror with dignity? Did the ego wash away in the shower? Are you seeing yourself as well and taking that nakedness into the words you tell?

Can you look into the mirror for long? Is it a gentle and confident exchange of sight? Do you see a human with intentions pure or a facade to procure?

Can you look into the mirror and see truth? Do your eyes relay back to you reality? Do your lips form the way they appear as you speak or are they cracked and breaking speech?

Can you look into the mirror and rely on it to be accurate? Does it show you who you really are? Will your reflection last to be who they see you as or will you be a reflection of your past?

Can you look into the mirror and smile? Are you the same in both dimensions? Are you honorable in the eyes of those that seek you to be reliable?

Can you look in the mirror? Can you stare at yourself long enough to see your soul? Can you keep seeing yourself the same or will the mirror shatter under your shame?

Can you look in the mirror? Can you be present enough to see who you really are? Will you be able to be whole and clear and good away from the mirror?

Transparent and breakable

More dreams. They only get more twisted. Taking my hopes as hostage and rendering them listless. Making sense of everything’s nothing. And -nothing- makes sense. Rising up, more like a limbo., seeking to find what is it of truth I may know. I feel like I am reaching into a melting pot and the ideas are ripe and the fruit is not. How do I get back to the feeling of elevating where the words spoken are the rhythms validating love. Endlessly. Entirely giving more more more. Still wanting to give more more more. But silence, it is misleading. Gaps are filled with meaningless pleading to an empty space. The wetness is recognized by my face and the facing of history in retrace mode. Please, I beg myself. Do not implode. Not again. Not this time. Rise up and receive the divine. Maybe In Time I will see and we will see. Maybe in time it will all make sense to me. But while time dares to not pass, I stretch my heart thin and it shatters like the glass. The same glass that I built my hearts house with, transparent and breakable in the name of love. Transparent and and breakable in the name of love. Transparent and breakable in the name of love.