I know what’s happening. The behavior is extremely predictable. I know what’s happening. The aversion to the truth is detectable. I know what’s happening. The energy is palpable. Why don’t you just let me know. If that’s the truth you live in, just let me go. Be honorable.
I don’t belong. No, not here. I don’t belong, with you my dear. I don’t belong and you have her near.
I don’t belong. No, maybe never did. I don’t belong and my feelings are hid. I don’t belong and you have her bid.
I don’t belong. No, I feel so out of place. I don’t belong and it begins to be erased. I don’t belong and you seek her space.
I don’t belong. No, can I please rewind. I don’t belong and I feel I’m falling behind. I don’t belong and she is your kind.
I don’t belong. No, my words have no value. I don’t belong and it’s your words I hang on to. I don’t belong and you play your game with her days long.
Where am I when I am searching inside? Can anyone still see me or is it a matter of mental seek and hide. I feel faded and not fully alive. I feel jaded like it’s difficult to contrive.
I sink deep into what I don’t want to feel and relinquish my hope. I splash about in the shallow end and desperately request a rope. My hands flail about and my effort is choked. Back to the bottom of the waters, my view comes from a fogged over scope.
In an awkward silence my thoughts begin to escape. They string together in an unnatural fray. I begin screaming inwardly for something important to say and I’m never quite sure if the words come together the right way.
Until it comes I will sit in my wonder. Until it is impressed and permeated I will mentally and verbally flounder. Will I know when it has arrived or will I hold it in front of me and ponder? Will I keep it at arms length or even a distance further and longer?
i have been wanting to find a way to say what it is that compels me to want to run. i have been needing a way to express the desperate ideas of why we should be done. i have been working really hard at self sabotage, and i won.
I fucking hate life.